Party at Elrondie's House
by Oddwen Floddball
Summary: Elrondie throws a party. Unfortunately, he forgot himself and invited hobbits. Finished at last. PG for slight Leggybashing... *Not an update alas! Just fixed a typo in Ch. 3*
1. Chapter 1

Another slightly random fic...I donÕt know if itÕll be finished or not. Oh well.  
  
  
  
  
"Mr. Frodo!" shouted Sam. "The ring's back!"  
Frodo stiffened. "What?" he croaked.  
"It's back, back I tell ya!"  
Sam held forth the shiny gold band. Frodo looked at it and promptly fainted.  
Sam rubbed his hands together evilly and cackled. He was just about to take Frodo's wallet when two objects crashed in through the window.  
"ARGH!" shouted Sam, his plans momentarily foiled.  
"Howdy, Sam-Sam-Aroo!" said Pippin.  
"It's Pip-Pip-Ahoy and Merry-Merry-Don't-Come-Free!" said Merry, jigging a bit. "How's Fro-Fro?"  
"Stop it with the infernal hyphenated cutsie names!" shouted Sam.  
"Calm down, old friendy-wendy!" said Pippin slapping him on the back and looking at Fro on the floor. "What happened to him?"  
"Uh, just hallucinating again, I expect. You know how Mr. Frodo is."  
"Yeah," Merry and Pippin giggled. "Can't hold his cream-of-wheat!"  
"What?" Sam blinked. Frodo woke up. He saw the faint gleam of gold in Sam's hand and promptly fell over again.   
"What were you doing crashing through the window?" said Sam stepping over his unconcious master.  
"We came to invite you to a party, Sammy-Sammy-Sam. Elrondy-Wondy's giving a parrrrrrrrrrrtaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy!!" said Merry, whooping and jumping onto Pippin's shoulders. "Cream-o'-wheat for everyone!"  
"I detest cream-of-wheat," said Sam. "I think it's the most disgusting thing on the face of the earth."  
"You don't eat it, do you?" said Pippin slightly shocked. "That would be wierd!"  
"Yeah," agreed Merry. "There are so many useful things to do with it! Caulk, you can mold it, sculpt it, I even made a life-size statue of myself with it!" Pippin edged away slightly. Sam looked quite horrified. Frodo sat up weakly, but when no one noticed promptly fainted again.  
A plothole appeared in the ceiling, and Legolas fell through it and landed in the fireplace. He screamed and ran out the door, banging his head, and ran off flaming.  
Sam, Merry and Pippin blinked. Frodo raised his head weakly, but then passed out again.  
"That, was, odd," said Pippin. "Uh, shall we go to Riven-Fliven-Bliven-Bell?"  
"Yes we shall, my dear Piperooo!" said Merry, and so saying, the cousins hooked arm in arm and started off singing. Sam packed Frodo in a suitcase and started off just behind them.  
They reached Rivendell that night, because I said so, that's why. Legolas met them at the door, with a bandaged head.   
"Hey, Legsie-Wegsie-Woo!" said Merry, giving the elf a high five. (Not that high, but hey it was a thought.) "Par-tay on, dude!" the hobbits cackled to themselves and went inside. Legolas was puzzling so hard about this last complicated statement that he shut the door on his foot. 


	2. Chapter 2

Hey, I didn't know there was such a demand! Anyhoo, here y'are, Vladsie-Wadsie.  
  
  
A prequellic flashback...  
Elrond Half-elven/brained decided one fine day in Rivendell that he would throw a huge party for no reason. He sent out the invitations to all corners of the earth via small scary Bantam Turkens, which unknowingly scared the living daylights out of many.  
Legolas was the first to arrive. By a seemingly innocent plothole, incidentally, out of which he fell right smack into the pond.  
ÒPllbbl,Ó he spluttered. ÒThatÕs cold.Ó He glared balefully at me.  
ÒLegolas!Ó cried Elrond, throwing his arms wide. ÒSo glad you could come to my party!Ó  
ÒYeah, about that. You didnÕt invite hobbits, did you?Ó Leggy boy was deathly afraid of hobbits, seemingly because of the fact that they are so short and hairy, quite the opposite of his tall smooth manliness. (but not for long...:P)  
Elrond ignored the blonde (note that word!) elf and started dancing around the balcony, until he tripped on a plotbunny and fell screaming off.  
  
Merry, Pippin and Sam were in their room talking about things. Well, rather Merry and Pippin were talking about surfing the ford while Sam sat glumly. Frodo was laid out on his bed.  
ÒMer-Mer-Mer-A-Bee, do you suppose thereÕs anything to eat around here?Ó  
ÒI donÕt know, Pip-Pip-And-Away-We-Go. LetÕs go see, hmm? See ya later, Sammy-Boy!Ó Sam convulsed slightly and attempted to ignore them. ÒDidnÕt you hear me? See ya later, Sam-The-Man.Ó Merry peered into SamÕs face suspiciously.  
ÒIs he alive?Ó said Pippin.  
ÒYes IÕm alive! Go away!Ó screeched Sam.  
ÒWell!Ó huffed Merry and Pippin. ÒNo need to be insulting!Ó And they finally went off in a huff to surf. (About which, I might add, they were quite disappointed about, being as Elrond was still unconscious and unable to command the rising of the waters.)  
Frodo opened one eye. Seeing no one bent compassionately bent over him, he slipped back into his stupor.  
Legolas was tripping through the hall, due to the fact that rugs seemingly jumped up to trip him, when he heard the sound of food. Elves do have supersonic hearing, yÕknow. Unfortunately for him, as he went towards the scintillating noise, a plothole opened directly under him dropping him into a great cauldron of vegetable soup.  
Merry and Pippin were trudging back to Rivendell glumly.  
ÒPip-Pip-Ahoy, that was most crushing,Ó sighed Merry.  
ÒGot that right,Ó muttered Pippin.  
ÒI donÕt get it. Last time we saw the ford, it was cresting wonderfully. What was so different?Ó  
ÒHmm,Ó said Pip. ÒFroo-The-Woodth was being chased by black riders. DidnÕt Gandolt say something about Elrondsie-Wondsie commanding the flood?Ó  
ÒI think youÕve an idea, Pippie. You be a rider first.Ó  
ÒNo way, Merrie, IÕll get chased by that Arwenny again. She scares me.Ó  
ÒVery well then. WeÕll just have to ask El-Dorado-Rond, I guess.Ó  
So the somewhat brightened hobbits quickened their step, and started singing again. Behind them, a hurtling elf plunged into the river screaming. ;) 


	3. Chapter 3

Merry and Pippin crept along the hall, keeping mostly to the shadows. By Elrond's room they heard two elves talking.  
"He hasn't woken up for days. I hope he isn't dead."  
"Maybe we should make sure he isn't dead, Pip-Pip-Hooray," whispered Merry.  
They crept into his room. The elf lord was laid out in his bed, with his clothes laid out at the foot. Merry tried them on.   
"They're a bit big, Merry-Doo," said Pippin.  
"Not if I stand on your shoulders, Pip-A-Nip," said Merry.  
So Merry stood upon Pippin's shoulders.  
"Not a bad likeness," said Fauxrond. "All we needs's a wig."  
"And another thing, Fatso," said the legs. "Elrondie's wearing a ring, too."  
And so saying, they cut the hair off of Elrond's head and made a makeshift wig, complete with butterfly hairclip, and also wore the ring with the blue stone that was upon his finger.  
"Ah, lovely," said Fauxrond. "Shall we go bug some people, Leggsies?"  
"Surely, Torsoe!" said the legs. And so saying, they wobbled rather unsteadily on. The first elf they came to was Legolas.  
"Uh, hello Elrond, have you seen hobbits?" A plothole opened in the ceiling and Frodo dropped conveniently onto his head. The two unconcious beings lay on the floor, and Fauxrond walked around them and continued on, occasionally talking to its lower half unceremoniously.  
"This ring sure is pretty, Legs."  
"Shut up and lose some weight," wheezed the legs.  
  
Sam still sat glumly on the bed. He brightened slightly when he thought about robbing Frodo, but as he turned around Frodo dropped through a plothole. He sighed and went for a walk. As he walked by Elrond's room, the elf burst out in his bunny pajamas with his hair sticking out in clumps.  
"What happened?" said the elf. "Where's my ring?" He waved his hand in front of Sam's face. Sam swiftly kicked him in the shins and burst out in a dance. Electric guitars and orchestra hits began playing.  
"Move yourself!" Pumping his fists. Legless soon appeared mysteriously and was knocked silly.  
"You always live your life, never thinkin' for the futuuuure!" sang Sam.  
Merry, Pippin and Frodo appeared, singing background.  
"Owner of a lonely heart!" they sang.  
Elrond backed off and jumped off the balcony.  
"Ooh, much better than the owner of a broken heart!" chorused the hobbits.  
Elrond stayed in the rosebushes for a while until they stopped. Then he cautiously crept back up. He looked around, and breathed a sigh of relief.  
"You! Lose yourself!" four hobbits dropped from the roof.  
"And not for pity's sake, there's no real reason to be lonely!" bellowed Sam.  
"ARGH!" shouted Elrond, leaping off the balcony once more, sadly to miss the air guitar solo, which was performed by Pippin.  
"Owner of a lonely heart!" they sang again.  
"Here now, what's going on?" said Gandalf waving his staff wildly.  
"We're just singing," said Sam meekly. Frodo suddenly noticed that no one was paying attention to him and fainted dead away.  
"Well stop it!" said Gandalf. He looked around. "When's this infamous party gonna happen?"   
"When Elrondzo wakes up, I think," said Merry.  
"Where is he then?"  
The three hobbits pointed down at the rosebushes, where Elrond lay, his bunny pajamas a little worse for wear.  
Gandalf sighed. "Hey, whose clothes are those, Merry?"  
Merry looked a little bashful. "Well, uh, see it was like this Gandy-Gandy-Dalf," he began.  
"And a wig, hmm? Where did you get that?" Merry looked beseechingly at Pippin, who just grinned.  
"Yeah, how about that?" said Pippin. Legolas, who upon waking, got up and ran just as fast as he could. But he tripped on his own feet which seemed to have temporarily grown another yard and fell down the stairs to be run over by a speeding horse.  
"Oh, I say, terribly sorry old chap!" said the man on the horse. "Have a cup of diet lemonade on me, wotwot?" 


	4. Chapter 4

Hmm, ok, that last chapter wasnÕt very good. I think IÕm going to give this a short break before returning...a vacation as it were.  
  
  
  
Frodo opened one eye. He looked stealthily around. He saw no one. Cautiously he sat up and swung his feet over the edge of the bed. He slid down and crept to the window. He clambered swiftly down the vines entrailing to the ground and snuck off into the garden. At a certain bush, he dug and pulled a plothole from the ground. He snuck to Legolas's room and hid it just under the rug. Then he went back to bed.  
  
"What're you doing, Mi-Mi?" said Pippin.  
"I'm making another statue of myself out of cream-of-wheat, Pipp-Inn," said Merry.  
"That wasn't a very inventive name," said Pippin.  
"Well, Mi-Mi doesn't rank that high either," grumped Merry.  
Legolas walked in looking around fearfully. "What're you doing?" he said quietly.  
Merry and Pippin looked up solemnly and pointed. Legolas looked up with a look of utter fear. Sam jerked the rug from under his feet from behind, and the elf was sent through the window.  
"Well, Sam-Ol'-Sam-Ol', how ya been doin'?" said Merry. "How do you like my sculpture?"  
Sam hesitated for a long while before deciding to just turn and walk away. Just...walk...away...  
  
Aragorn skipped into Rivendell early that bright morning, singing and laughing. He is, after all, the last of the Morning People. The very last. They were all killed off, which is exactly the danger that Aragorn is now in.  
The elf in the tree drew his bow taut, aiming directly for the man's singing head. He let go the string, but to his horror his bow seemed to turn itself around in his hands and the arrow shot towards him, pinning his shirt to the tree. Aragorn heard his surprized shriek and looked up.  
"Hi, Haldir!" he cried waving. "What'cha doin'?"  
"Help," wheezed the elf.   
"What?"   
"Help."  
"Felt?"  
"Help."  
"Belt?"  
"HELP! HELP HELP SOMEONE HELP MMEEE!!" screamed Haldir. Merry and Pippin looked up from the bank of the river where they had been sitting glumly.  
"A fair maiden in distress?" said Merry.  
"It seems so. Shall we go save her?" said Pippin.  
"We shall, dear cousin." And with that, the two hobbits locked arm in arm and danced off singing.  
Haldir pulled his bow out, and tried again to shoot the yammering and blabbing Aragorn, who was now dancing around the tree, but again his bow seemed to turn itself and he shot at himself. A shriek sounded close by and Haldir turned to see Legolas pinned beside him.  
"Plothole?" he asked.  
"Yup," whispered Legolas. 


	5. Chapter 5

I just canÕt help myself, I guess.   
For Those-Who-DonÕt-Know, plotholes are unexplained things that happen to the plot. Not to be confused with plot twists, which are twists within the plot, wheras plotholes are unexplainable happenings. Plotbunnies are ideas for a plot. A plotbunny attacked me the other day with an idea for a story with MerryÕs evil nose, so please review and let me know my writing is appreciated and wanted. :)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Aragorn got Legolas and Haldir out of the tree and skipped to the house, holding both their hands so they wouldn't get in trouble. Haldir grumped and Legolas wept like a baby.  
"Now how exactly did you get yourselves up in that tree, you silly elves?" said Aragorn.  
"Awawawa!" Leggy cried.  
"How's Elrond doing?" cried Aragorn cheerfully.  
"Buwahhh!" sobbed Leggie.  
"Boy, try and make some intelligent conversation around here..." muttered the man.  
All of a sudden, two black holes opened up and Haldir and Legolas were sucked in. They materialized in front of Elrond, who was not dressed as an elf.  
"Well?" he said. "Haldir, has your mission been completed?"  
"I had him in my sights, but a plot twist foiled it."  
"A plot twist," Elrond got a really grumpy face and put his sunglasses on. "I hire you on the basis that you're the best assasin around and you fail me like the rest!"  
"What's going on here?" sniffed Leggy.  
"Isn't it obvious? It's a plot. A plot to rid the world of Morning People."  
"What's with the suit?"   
"Quite simple. It's a disguize. One month I may be a dopey elf lord, but the next I am...Agent Smith!" He cackled evilly.  
"What?" gasped the blonde idiot.  
"The Matrix is filled to the brim with Morning People. I was sent, along with two of my colleagues," he gestured and Glorfindel and Erestor appeared. "To rid the world of this plague. This disease. My task is nearly finished here. Then we move on." He laughed deeply and evilly.  
Legolas took this oppertunity to flee. But a plothole opened out of nowhere and a rock dropped onto his head.  
Glorfindel and Erestor aka Jones and Brown took Haldir away, and Smith resumed admiring himself in the mirror. He struck a pose suggestive of drawing a gun. Then he quickly did some karate moves.  
"Good day, Mistur Andurson," he said. "Prepare to die." He slowly removed his shades.  
"Prepare to die, Mistur Andurson. Bang! Good day, Mistur Andurson. Mistur Andurson. Mistuuur Aaandursoonnn. Mistur, Mister, Mistor, M'sseur Anders—n. Andurson. Good day, Aragurn. Strider. Estul. Wingfoot, Throngil. Prepare to die. Andurson Andurson. Goodbye, Mistur Andurson." He worked his eyebrows like windshield wipers.  
"Hello, my name is Smith. Agent Smith. Smith, Agent Smith. Shaken, not stirred." He put his sunglasses back on and did some more karate moves.  
"Put it on my tab. Andurson. Put it on Mistur Andurson's tab." Waltzes a bit.  
  
  
Merry and Pippin skipped along until they came to the place where they thought the scream had come from.  
"Which of us shall marry her, Pip-A-Boo?" said Merry, picking a flower and sniffing it.  
"I do not know, Mer-Bie," said Pippin.  
"Marry who?" said a voice.  
"Diamond of long cleeve!" gasped Pippin.  
"Estella Bolger!" gasped Mary.  
"What are you doing here?"  
"Was that you screaming?"  
"Nah. Just Haldir trying to shoot Aragorn again," said Diamond blinking at Pippin.  
"You know how Haldie-Waldie is," said Estella blinking at Merry.  
"Uh, no," said Pippin uncomfortably.  
"I don't know him," said Merry squriming.  
Diamond and Estella blinked.  
"How do you blink in unison like that, Estella-Wella and Di-Di?" said Pippin. "It's simply wonderful that you can do that!"  
"What?" said Merry, Diamond and Estella. 


	6. Chapter 6

Hmm, this is going places I never could have forsaw...this may get worse. I don't know. Oh yeah, I don't really hate Morning People. Hmm, thankfully, I don't know any MP's. That's a good thing.  
  
  
  
  
  
Aragorn continued skipping after a moments' reflection. Who after all can remain gloomy and depressed when the sun is rising, the birds are just waking up and the cool dew is still on the grass? He sang a song as he went about the world in general, cheerful and carefree.   
"SHUT UP!" screeched an elf jumping from out of a tree. "JUST SHUT UP!"  
"Haldir, so glad you're back!" cried Aragorn. "Where's your bow?"  
"Elrond took it away," said Haldir. "I'll have to kill you with my bare hands."  
"What? You always were rude for an elf." He jumped over a log and shouted for glee.  
Haldir twitched and leaped gracefully over the log. He followed close behind the giggling man. The sun finally came fully over the trees. As if a rock were dropped on his head, Aragorn stood still. He stood for a moment and then whirled around. Morning People, you must understand, are not always Rest-Of-The-Day People. Aragorn was no exception. At about ten in the morning, his cheerful demeanor dropped from him and all that was left was a cranky dude.  
"What were you saying about killing me with your bare hands, elf?" he said baring his arms. Haldir quailed. "Uh, nothing, nothing at all!" He fled unceremoniously.  
  
Meanwhile in Rivendell, Agents Smith, Jones and Brown aka Elrond Glorfindel and Erestor were dancing the macarena and chanting "Andurson Andurson Andurson" before Elrond's large pretty mirror.  
Elrond suddenly burst out into song and placed a nearby bowl of fruit atop his head.  
"Andurson must be shot la la la  
Andurson, Mistur Andurson  
Is a Morning Persun  
He must be shot la la la  
Andurson yeah Mistur Andurson la la la!"  
Jones and Brown started singing "la la la la!" when suddenly a plothole that negatively affected someone other than Legolas opened and Arwen appeared. She and the agents stared at each other. "Daddy?" she said doubtfully. Then the agents screamed as one and fled.  
  
"This sure is a pretty river, even if it isn't good for surfing, wouldn't you say Pipsqueak?" said Merry.  
"If you like that sort of thing, Marcie," said Pippin admiring the ring that Merry had given him. "I happen to think this ring is prettier, actually." He twisted the blue jewel and a beam of light shone about him. "Uh, Merry?" he said, but he was gone. Merry blinked at the now empty bank. Diamond and Estella came back from where they were picking flowers.  
"Where's my little Pippie-Poo?" said Diamond. Merry grinned weakly.  
  
Pippin finally got up enough courage to open his eyes. He saw that he was in a room of some sort.  
"What took you so long, Smith?" said a female voice.  
"Galadriel?" said Pippin. "And Gandalf? What are you doing here?"  
"Pippin, you fool of a Took! How did you get here?" demanded Gandalf.  
"I just twisted this ring thingy here, and, I dunno."  
They looked at the ring.  
"What happened to Elrond? I mean Smith?" demanded Galadriel. "Why do you have his ring?"  
"Well, it's a long story. It all started with the cream of wheat..."  
"Shut up, Took. Now don't go calling us Galadriel and Gandalf. I'm Cypher and she's Trinity while we're here. Do you think you can remember that?"  
"Yeah, sure. You're Cyphinity and she's Trinipher. Easy Peasie!"  
Gandalf/Cypher groaned. "We're doomed!"  
  
"That was too close," droned Smith/Elrond. "We have to get back in the Matrix to warn Gandalf and Galadriul that we've been discovered."  
"Excellent choice," breathed Brown/Erestor.   
"Wait a minute, WHERE'S MY RING??" shrieked Smith.  
"Didn't those hobbits have it?" intoned Jones/Glorfindel.  
Smith twisted Browns' arm in anger. "Now this is just purfect. How in the world-" but a plothole appeared below them and they dropped into the blackness. 


	7. Chapter 7

This is spreading farther than I had first thought...if itÕs too Matrixy for yÕall, IÕm trying to bring it back.  
  
  
  
Aragorn stumped through Rivendell glaring and snarling at anyone he saw. But these were few and far between as he was knownst amongst themst.  
Haldir still followed behind. Aragorn was dangerous wether it was morning or afternoon. He decided that his target would be more vulnerable in the evening, when he was just plain annoying. He dashed behind one of the statues of Elrond as Aragorn whirled around. The man snarled and stumped off again. "Men sure are wierd," muttered the elf.  
  
"What?" said Diamond for the sixth time.  
"Pipster disappeared," squeaked Merry quietly.  
"You stupid dumb hobbit!" shouted Estella thumping him on the head with a daisy. (Daisies in that part of the world got as big as sunflowers, see.)  
Merry cowered. "I don't knowwww!" he whined. "He was just playing with a ring..."  
"Ring?" said Diamond. "Ring? Not another one! Look what it's done to Frodo, don't tell me my Pippie-Wippie is going to be like Frodo!" she sobbed and then attacked Merry. He was forced to jump into the river to escape. Unfortunately, the womenfolk jumped in after him.  
  
"Wheeee!" squealed the Agents as they fell through the air. The plothole that had opened under them apparently opened into a plothole directly above it, hence they were falling faster and faster and faster.  
"Hey," shouted Smith. "Look!" He spit loudly. His saliva spattered Brown.  
"Eew!" he shouted kicking Smith on the head.  
Jones was busy pirrouetting. "Andurson, Andurson, la la la Andurson," he sang. Eventually, Smith and Jones and Brown all joined hands and twirled in a circle chanting "Andurson Andurson Andurson."  
  
"So, Ganapher, how'd you get here?" said Pippin.  
"SHUT UP!" said Gandalf.  
"Well, Galadrity, how about you?"  
"By eating lots of hobbits and getting really fat and exploding," snapped the irritated elf.  
"Boy, you sure lost a lot of weight!" said the hobbit amazed.  
"Shut up. We need to dress you in the disguize of this world. Here." Gandalf roughly yanked a trenchcoat on and stuffed some sunglasses onto his face.  
"Cooo-ool!" said Pippin admiring himself. Gandalf and Galadriel rolled their eyes.  
"Isn't it time to meet up with the rest?" said Galadriel.  
"I believe it is. Now Pippin, we're going to give you a name. Hmm, let's see...ah, I have it! Your name is," he paused gravely, "Eon! That should confuse Neo a bit..."  
"Who's Neo?" said Pippin.  
"What about his feet?" said Trinity.  
"No time, we must be off!" So they dragged Pippin on (he kept wanting to look at things) until they got to a dilapidated old warehouse. A man dressed in black met them.  
"Trinity! I thought I'd lost you!" he cried.  
"Me too," said Trinity.  
"Well, you can't win 'em all," said Gandalf lapsing into an accent that Pippin had never heard before.  
"I guess not," said Neo.  
"Gandalpherity, who's that?" said Pippin.  
"Cyphandalf, who's that?" said Neo. He and Pippin grinned at each other.  
"I'm Neo, who're you?"  
"I'm Eon, who're you?"  
"Neo. Eon. Cool!" said Neo jumping into the air.  
"Yipee, yahoo!" said Pippin.  
"Isn't Morpheus waiting," growled Cypher.  
"Who?" said Neo. "Oh yeah! Uh yeah he's waiting for the One."  
"We've already established that you're the One, remember?" said Trinity, her teeth clenched.  
"Hey, I'm the One too!" said Pippin. "I wanna be just like you, Neo! When's Second Breakfast, Cypherigalf?"  
Immediately, a plothole opened and he fell in screaming.  
"WAH!" said Neo. "I've lost my bestest friend in the whole world!"  
"Oh shut up," said Trinity.  
  
Pippin fell until he hit a soft bed. He looked around and saw Frodo laid out in another.  
"Aww, nuts," said Pippin. Merry rushed in and slammed the door behind him.  
"Hello, Mer-O-Dock! Why are you wet?"  
Merry looked at him in shock. "P-P-P-Pip! What're you doing here, and where'd you get those clothes?" He looked at him bewildered.  
"From Galadragalf and Cyphidriel! Aren't they cool? Hey, who're you running from?"  
"Es-Es-Tell and Dim-Ion think I killed you, and Ar-Go-Fast I kind of ran into..." his voice trailed off. A pounding came at the door.  
"Let us in you stupid hobbiiiiiiiiiiiiit!" shouted Aragorn.  
"Ring the bell, the knocker's broken!" shouted Merry.  
"RING?" said Frodo sitting bolt upright.  
"Owner of a lonely heart," came a faint voice. It came from under Frodo's bed.  
"Sammie-Boy, what're you doing down there?" said Pippin.  
"I showed Frodo a ring," whined Sam.  
"RING?" said Frodo.  
"Yes, ring!" said Merry.  
"RING?"  
"Ah, ring. It has a certain ring to it, wouldn't you say, Froppy?" said Pippin.  
"RING RING?"  
"Would you like a donut?" said Merry.  
Frodo looked at it. "RING?"  
"Jello mold?" said Pippin.  
"RING?"  
"Wanna play with a hula hoop?" said Sam's faint voice.  
"RING?" said Frodo.  
"Hmm, I'm thinking of asking Di-Wi to marry me, I'll give her this ring!" said Pippin.  
"RING?"  
"Hmm, I shall ask Es-Te-U-Ve to marry me as well, can I borrow your ring?" said Merry.  
"RING?"  
Aragorn burst in through the door and picked Merry up.  
"RAAHHH!!" he said.  
"RI-oh wait, never mind," said Frodo immediately flopping over once more. 


	8. Chapter 8

Oi, IÕm trying to bring this to an end, but little things keep popping up. I guess thatÕs the way it goes with these things.  
  
  
  
So Aragorn was in the hobbits' room, chasing them around and around. Merry and Pippin were taunting him with silly nicknames, Sam was singing faintly under the bed, Frodo popped up occasionally screaming "RING?", and Estella and Diamond were beating his shins with daisies.  
Legolas suddenly dropped in via plothole and fell atop the man, putting them both out of commission.  
"Well, Pip-Pip, that was close!" said Merry.  
"Very," said Estella and Diamond setting into him with the deadly daisies.  
Gandalf rushed in. "What is going on here?" he said.  
"Cydalf!" said Pippin. "Did you bring Neo?"  
"Who? I don't know who're you're talking about. Pippin, give me your hand."  
"Why?" said Pippin cautiously. Gandalf grabbed it and yanked Elrond's ring off.   
"Heyyyy!!" the hobbit whined.  
  
Arwen slunk through the halls. She was following Haldir. Where Haldir was, Aragorn would be. Haldir had a standing grudge against him. Arwen didn't.  
"HIIIIyahh!" she shouted dashing around a corner and shoving an Elrond statue over. No one there but a maid fleeing from her. She ran after her crazedly.  
"Where's Haldir, the rat?" she shouted. "Haldir, if you don't come here I'm comin' to look for you!" She jerked open a broom closet randomly and found Elrond tied up in his bunny pajamas.  
"Daddy!" she shouted. "Have you seen Haldir?"  
"No," he said weakly. "I have been in here for days waiting for someone to..." But Arwen slammed the door on him and ran screaming down the hall again. Legolas suddenly appeared and got his good foot slammed.  
"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" screeched Arwen for no good reason. Haldir suddenly fell from behind a curtain.  
"HALDIR!" screeched the elven maid. "WHERE'S MY PUNKIN'?"  
"Your, punkin?" said Haldir.  
"Yes! Aragorn punkin' poo! Where is he?"  
"He's in the hobbit's room," said Haldir trying to decide wether he'd rather laugh or cry.  
"YIPEE!" screeched Arwen running off. "PUNKIN', I'M COMIN' TO SAVE YOU!"   
She ran into the hobbit's room to see Aragorn just coming to.  
"Wh-where am I?" he said.  
"In Rivendell, Punkin'!" said Arwen squeezing him so hard that he squeaked.  
"Punkin'?" said Pippin.  
"Punkin'?" said Sam from under the bed.  
"Punkin'? It has a certain ring to it," said Merry.  
"RING?" said Frodo. "And PUNKIN'?"  
"I've come to save you!" shouted Arwen.   
"Save me from what?" said Aragorn.  
"ANYTHING!" she shouted. "YIPEEKAIEH, YIPEEKAIOH, WHOOP DE DOO AND LA TE DA!!"  
"It's the cookies," whispered Merry.  
"I still say she scares me," muttered Pippin.  
"YAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"  
  
Elrond finally managed to wiggle out of the closet. He made his weary way to his room and fell upon the bed. Unfortunately, a plot twist made the mattress extra bouncy and he flew out the window-on top of Legolas who was soaking his feet in the pond.  
"Hey," whimpered Leggyboy. "What do you have against me, anyway?"  
"You're there," whispered Elrond.  
The man on the horse came to water it and trompled them both accidentally.  
"Oh, treeeeeeeeeeemendously sorry old chaps! Have some more diet lemonade, wotwot?"  
"Help us," whispered Legolas beseechingly. (Three agents are can-canning in the background.)  
  
Aragorn was fleeing from his extremely hyper fiancŽe, but she was gaining slowly but surely.  
"PUNKIN'!" she shouted. "WAIT UP, WE CAN HAVE A SMOOCH ON THE BRIDGE! HONEEEEEEE!! WAIT UP!"  
"Elves are nuts!" said Frodo. (Three agents are acting out 'the itsy bitsy spider' song in the background.)  
"And so are agents," said Pippin.  
"So are morning people," said Merry.  
"And so are hobbits!" said Sam. "Can someone please get me out from under here?"  
"Nah, we like you under there," said Pippin jumping onto the bed.  
"You're rather annoying, Sambo," said Merry jumping on as well.  
"You packed me in a suitcase, you silly hobbit!" said Frodo jumping up and down with a vengance.  
"You haven't been anywhere out of the room in days!" said Pippin jumping harder.  
"You are ugly!" said Merry bodyslamming the mattress.  
"I hate that song!" shouted Frodo jumping yet harder.  
"Help!" shouted Sam.  
"Jump harder so the Authoress won't summon a plothole and replace him with Leggie!" shouted Pippin.  
"Ooh, thanks!" I say.  
"Helllllllp!" shouts Leggy from under the bed. "Mama!"  
"Aww," chorus the three.  
  
Agents Smith, Brown and Jones are line kicking and singing, if it can be called that.  
"Hey! Hey! Andurson is a morning purson!" Jones and Brown grab some of Smith's fruit and dance wildly.  
"Hey, who wants to be evil when dancing is so much fun?" says Smith. "We don't have to be evil! We can spread good cheer and entertainment through choreography!"  
"Yipee!" squeal Jones and Brown in a most girlie way.  
"Andurson Andurson Andurson!" they all sing happily. 


	9. Chapter 9

Well, some semblance of a party at last.  
  
  
  
Arwen has finally caught Aragorn and has him in a headlock. Aragorn is struggling as hard as he could, but the cookies (they aren't called sugar cookies for nothing) give the elf maid nearly superhuman powers. Her lips are very wet and crumbly and she spits and screams in his ear.  
"I LOVE YOU!!" she hollered.  
"Help!" shouted Aragorn. Haldir peers from behind a corner and grins evilly. Aragorn looked at him beseechingly, but the elf just sniggered and left.  
  
"Stupid Authoress!" said Frodo sitting glumly on the edge of the bed. "Where'd Sam go?"  
"Who knows," said Pippin also sitting on the edge of the bed.  
"With Sammy-Sam-Sammy-Sam it's always a guess," said Merry. But as he tries to sit on the edge of the bed, it flipped over burying them. Leggy took this oppurtunity to jump up and run, but PlotMites chewed the edge of the ceiling so that it fell on him. Only the bed saved the hobbits from the elf's gruesome fate. (Paranoidus Plotholitis)  
  
Elrond, meanwhile, had gotten out of the pond and changed into his favorite purple *cough*dress*cough* robe and had decided to have a party. No one mentioned to him that he had already decided that several days ago, since he was alone. He started jumping on his bed for joy, but forgetting about the extra-bounciness he was catapulted out the window again and into the pond. Landing on the statue of himself that spit water like a fountain, and blacking out.  
  
The next day however, he finally managed to get everyone in the same room at the same time without someone trying to kill another. (Well, Haldir kept trying to slip something into Aragorn's food, but Arwen kept seeing and screaming "I'LL SAVE YOU!") Of course, Elrond not being the brightest marble in the bag, nor either was he the roundest I'll have you know, he had picked the worst possible seating arrangements. I.e., Legolas next to the accident-prone lemonade man, Haldir next to Aragorn, Arwen next to Aragorn, the cookies next to Arwen, and Frodo next to the jell-o mold and the donuts. It was with some difficulty that this latter person kept from blacking out and being smuggled away from the table in a briefcase filled with used kleenex. And it was only this latter thought that kept this latter person from this latter fate.  
"Are we all having fun?" squealed Elrond jumping up and spilling Gandalf and his bean and burrito soup into the lap of Figwit (Ah, another pretty-boy elf?) who jumped up and flung his crackers at Leggy, who then jumped into the lap of the lemonade man who flipped over casting the elf against the wall which then collapsed dumping him into a pile of kitchen scraps.  
I take this oppurtunity to take Leggy's seat and smash it over Figwit's head who then blacks out, leaving us elfboy free for a time.  
"HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY THAT I LOVE YOUUUUU??" sang (or screeched rather) Arwen to Aragorn. He rolled his eyes and moved closer to Haldir. Haldir pulled his handy-dandy dagger and would have finished him off (started him off?) but Elrond took it as a sign that he wished to carve the turkey. Haldir, of course, while being an assasin of some worth, to put it gently, was inept at anything resembling anything else besides assasination, so he just picked up the turkey and threw it at Elrond. It landed on his head and made quite a spectacle. Such a spectacle, that it even detracted from Arwen trying to feed Aragorn a pickle.   
"Hrrmph hampph mrrph?" said Elrond.  
Frodo slowly succumbed to the whispering of the donuts and passed out in his cream cheese and olive coated crackers. 


	10. Chapter 10

Frodo, who was under the table, quit faking unconciousness and slowly and carefully crawled (unless you count biting a few random knees) until he reached Leggy's seat. He had not long to wait before the poor, poor elf sat down once more. Frodo pulled the turkey drumstick out of his pocket and deftly shoved it into Leggy's left leg cast. The elf shrieked and jumped straight into the air, whacking both knees on the edge of the sturdy marble table.  
"Here, what's going on?" said Gandalf getting up to investigate. He surveyed the elf's cast interestedly. "Curiouser and curiouser," he muttered. "You seem to be growing chicken legs!"  
"Noo!" said Leggy. "I can't be a chicken! What will my mommy say?" He sobbed.  
"Maybe we can eat him," said Sam who as of yet had not got to eat anything since Merry and Pippin wouldn't let any food near him but instead ate it all themselves.  
"I have a surprise!" shouted Elrond. "It's a dancing troupe! It's called 'Happy Agent Smith and his Happy Nice Friends'!" He was greeted by blank stares. Even more blank stares appeared when all of a sudden, an agent in a sombrero appeared and bowed. He started singing very off key-ley and playing untalented-ly on a guitar.  
"Andurson is a nice morning person  
Andurson Andurson Andurson! OlŽ!!!"  
This last word was screamed and as if a cup of soup had been spilled about twenty more agents filed in. The company stared. Most of them appeared to be exact duplicates of the first agent. One among the company did not fit in.  
"Neo!" cried Pippin.  
"Eon!" cried Neo. "Yipee!"  
"Yahoo!"  
"Hooray!"  
"Neo!" shouted Gandalf. "Er, YOU! Who are you and what are you doing here?"  
"Ganpher!" cried Neo. "You look old and fat!" He giggled. With a roar, Gandalf rushed him and started hitting him.   
"Hey!" shouted Pippin. "Don't hurt my best friend!" And he jumped on Gandalf and started pummeling him.  
"Wait for me, Pipsie!" cried Merry. "Ring!"  
"RING?" said Frodo.  
"Yes, Fro, Gandalf has a ring," said Merry. Frodo's eyes narrowed so that they were about the size of normal eyes and he screamed like a nazgžl and leaped into the fray.  
Haldir formed a plan in his head and suddenly grabbed Aragorn and shoved him into the mass of pummeling men. Arwen screeched.  
"I'LL SAVE YOU, PUNKIN'!!" And she grabbed Haldir and they disappeared. Leggy tried to run, but a slab of the floor tilted and he fell into the mass. Soon everyone except Sam were in a gigantic fight. After finally eating his fill, Sam stood up on the table.  
"I have an ANNOUNCEMENT!" he shouted. Everyone stopped and looked at him.  
"I have had enough of you! I like half of you half as well as a troll, and the rest of you half as not!"  
There were sounds of scalps being scratched.  
"I am leaving NOW. Goodbye and good riddance!" And with that, he pulled the tablecloth from under the dishes without spilling them, and threw it over his head.  
"Uh, Samsie?" said Merry.  
"I'm not here. I can't hear you," came Sam's muffled voice.  
"I can see you," said Pippin.  
"No you can't! I can't see you!" his voice was more insistent now.  
"But you're standing on the table in full view," said Aragorn.  
"I'm not listening, hmm hmm la la owner of a lonely heart..."  
"DO YOU WANT ME TO SAVE YOU, LI'L PUDDIN' CUP?" screeched Arwen.  
"Sam, cut the nonsense and come out of there!" said Gandalf.  
"Why?" said Frodo.  
"Oh, ring!" said Merry. Frodo gave him a venomous look and hopped over and ripped the tablecloth off of Sam. To his horror, Haldir saw that he was chewing on his bow.  
"EEE! NOOO!!" he screamed.  
"I'LL SAVE YOU!" said Arwen.  
"Yummy," said Sam.  
"Can I try a bite?" said Pippin.  
"Lerbolars's is yummier," said Neo.  
"ARGH!" said Leggy. 


	11. Chapter 11 and thanks

After chasing Sam around the room several times, only succeeding in making him climb up the curtains to a shelf high above the floor where previously there were several small but valuable glass things, Haldir despaired of ever getting his bow back.  
"This bow sure is yummy!" said Sam.  
"Give it back!" wailed Haldir.   
"COME BACK DOWN, IT'S TOO DANGEROUS LI'L PUDDIN' CUP!" screeched Arwen.  
Pippin and Neo were playing patty-cake in a corner.  
"Patty-cake, patty-cake bakers man, bake me a cake as fast as you can, roll it, pat it, mark it with an N, put it in the oven for Neo and me!" cried Pippin.  
"Mistur Andurson!" cried Agent Smith. "Put it on my tab!" In slo-mo, he drew his gun and would have shot him, but Neo moved quicker than lightning and threw a fork at him.   
"Why did you throw a fork at me?" wailed Smith bursting into tears.  
"Because there were no spoons, of course!" said Neo. "There ah no spewns," he said in a mocky accent. "There ah no spewns becose ah et them." All of a sudden, he rushed at Frodo and tried to pick him up by the hair to throw him, but the hair came off in his hand. Everyone gasped.  
"The spoon boy!" said Gandalf.  
"Try to realize the truth," whimpered Frodo. "It is not my head that appears bald, it is only your mind."  
"What?" said everyone.  
"There is no hair," said Fro. Leggy shrieked and covered his head and tried to run, but his hair caught on a plant hanger and his wig disintegrated. (This of course is one of the worst things that can happen to certain blonde elves. *evil grin*) Immediately everyone clutched their head and cried as one "It's a lie! I'm not bald! This is not an incredibly realistic wig! Nope, no wig here!" Agents Smith, Jones and Brown tied their sunglasses around their heads. Smith's clones immediately disintegrated in a messy explosion of green jell-o. Leggy shrieked.  
"I'm melllllting!" he cried. "Noo, what a world what a world!" And with that, he melted into a pile of steaming goo on the floor. *sigh*   
Figwit felt the eyes of the Authoress sweeping the room, seeking whom she might defame, and leaped out the window into the pond. Followed by every other pretty-boy elf. Everyone looked out the window at the pond which now circled Rivendell, filled with serpents and giant octopuses, and many other vile sea creatures. Everyone screamed and ran about until they fell out of various windows. And Merry and Pippin got closer to surfing than they ever had in this story. To bad it had to be the last time they ever came close to surfing. See, they developed such a fear of the water that they alway lived inland from then on. Of course they married Estella and Diamond, respectively, and led respectively happy lives. As happy as you can get without surfing, anyhoo.  
Aragorn and Arwen married and were miserable. Partly because Haldir wouldn't let Aragorn alone, Arwen never ceased screaming, and Elrond wouldn't let a day go by but he was saying "I told you so!" What he had told them was never made clear.  
Sam finally got to mug Frodo and lived very happily in Bag End which he also stole from him. He "employed" Fro as his gardener aka slave as Fro had done to him and lived very happily to the end of his days as no doubt Frodo would have done had not Sam taken action against that very fate.  
"I've saved you a lot of trouble, Fro, why just think of all that money you would have had to take care of!" he would often say.  
"Yes, Mr. Sam, no doubt," was the response.  
Legolas never rose from the pile of goo on the floor of Rivendell. (Yipee!)  
Elrond and Agent Smith struck up a friendship (no doubt due to the fact that they were twin brothers) and went around impersonating each other. Of course causing Elrond some minor scrapes and bruises seeing as Smith was somewhat *cough* active in the illegal pipe-weed market.  
Neo went back to the Matrix and, sadly, went on to defeat it. How I'll let you watch in "Reloaded" and "Revolutions". (Which are only a couple months away!) Afterwards, he met back up with Pippin and taught him a new kind of surfing---web surfing.  
Gandalf/Cypher died, either way you look at it.  
Galadriel pretended to go over the sea, but in reality immersed herself in her Trinity self.  
All the pretty elf boys and their fangirls were eaten by octopi and such. (Double yipee!)  
Jones and Brown got Lindir to act as head Agent (Agent Lulu) in Smith's stead and went on to produce several hit albums. One song, "Put it on my Tab" by name, went platinum.  
  
  
And, I think that's the end. Sorry all you fan type persons. Watch for more of my stories, and look to "Dumb personified via Frodo Baggins" for your randomness needs. :)  
  
  
For all you who still don't know, here's a quick definition of a few terms:  
Plotbunnies: Ideas for plots randomly popping up in an author's head.  
Plothole: An event often occuring in random stories that defies logical explanations, i.e., Leggy dropping through a hole into a bowl of soup.  
Plot twist: Something taking an unexpected turn, i.e., Frodo suddenly kicking Sam's shins for no good reason.  
Plot mites: They chew ceilings and walls, either weakening them severely so that they will fall at most oppurtune times or making them fall unexplainably onto certain blonde elves *cough cough*.  
  
Thank you to everyone who reviewed, you make my week. Literally.  
Vlad, this would not have been continued but for you demanding more.  
Mallyriel, I was confused, but I think the humors in my brain have dissipated somewhat.  
Oracle2001, thank you so much.  
Lisa Akita, calm down! I hope your Dad enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it.  
Haldir's Girl, I'm glad you enjoyed it.  
Orlyluvr, shmowdy wowdy cloudy!   
Laurna-Patricia, it's all in the sake of randomness.  
Camelia, he's there.  
V. v. v. important ANGERY (?) Leggy fan, I don't think I'm in a position to take orders from you. Besides, LeggyBashing is fun! You should try it sometime!  
Elf, I hope it was long enough and funny enough.  
PsychoDude, they hit their heads. They drank too much in "The Nose Knows".  
Dark Samurai Vegata, see my above definitions.  
Lazy Hobbit, I mean Little Hobbit, I think it's wierd too. ;)  
Mr. Orc is Tweak, my fearsome little brat of a co-Authoring brother!! Run! Don't believe him! He hates this story's guts, help help!  
Thank you all, thank you all. 


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